Your Shoe's Untied

The Devil Wears Acid Wash

yourshoesuntied — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:28:48 +0000

I was having trouble finding my old copies of Vogue until I remembered I’d filed them under “Passe.”

United Whey

yourshoesuntied — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 18:37:24 +0000

I’m pretty sure we all know who wears the pants in that marriage.

Dinner Date

yourshoesuntied — Wed, 28 May 2008 04:53:03 +0000

If I could have dinner with anyone in the world, dead or alive, I’d pick Anthony Bourdain or Wolfgang Puck.

How To Be Your Own Uncle

yourshoesuntied — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:10:48 +0000

OCD Twelve-Step Program

yourshoesuntied — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:52:59 +0000

I
Step 1: Learn to recognize obsessive thoughts and compulsive urges.
Step 1: Learn to recognize obsessive thoughts and compulsive urges.
Step 1: Learn to recognize obsessive thoughts and compulsive urges.

II
Step 1: Learn to recognize obsessive thoughts and compulsive urges.
Step 3: Reattribute the intensity of the thought or urge to its real cause.
Step 5: Work around the OCD thoughts and urges by shifting attention to something else.

The Most Confusing ‘Overheard’

yourshoesuntied — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:30:44 +0000

Oh, that place is great. My daughter-in-law is getting married there next month.

4+8+15+16+23+42=108

yourshoesuntied — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:14:11 +0000

Do you think it’s possible that someone told Lindsay, in a-Desmond-from-Lostian way, that after the 997th time she’s photographed giving the peace sign there will actually, instantaneously, be peace on earth?

And if there’s even a slight chance that this guy might be right, is it our duty as a nation to continue letting her flip the two-fingered olive branch every time there’s a camera around?

Questions abound. This is what happens when the Pope comes to America.

Politically Correct School Supplies

yourshoesuntied — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:24:50 +0000

1. Bilingual Reading Book
2. Holiday Season Calendar
3. African American Pencils

I Guess You Can Be a Disciple

yourshoesuntied — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 11:42:22 +0000

When the only Jesus you know is a line cook at the diner down the street…

“Hey guys, where’s Jesus?”
“Isn’t he supposed to be back by now?”
“Yeah, and he’s scheduled to work a double shift.”

Unhappy Meal

yourshoesuntied — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:03:48 +0000

Since the founding of the first McDonald’s restaurant in 1940, the fast food trend has been emblematic of the American way of life: fast, easy, greasy and interested in little else besides the stuffing of one’s own stomach. But then came 2003 and the Freedom Fries Fiasco — an attack on French opposition to the UN’s potential invasion of Iraq. With this move, the United States invited politics into the last place it should ever be found: fast food. Imagine — heated debates at the condiment bar, the segregation of the dining area into blue plastic seat factions and red plastic seat factions.. I’ve even gotten wind of a coup d’etat meant to dethrone Ronald McDonald. Not to mention Grimace’ s petty-theft themed smear campaign against the Hamburglar!

The way this trend is going, I foresee only one end, marking the zenith of political fast food: The Unhappy Meal. Complete with these delicious food items:

- Dictator Tots: Crunchy potato bites in five fun shapes: Castro, Franco, Mussolini, Hitler and Stalin.

- Molotov Milkshake: Looks like a real milkshake, tastes like a real milkshake, but unlike a real milkshake it’s flammable on impact.

- Arch of Triumph Deluxe: A limited-time “adult” burger option shaped like the largest arch in the world — the North Korean monument built to commemorate Kim Il Sung’s resistance of Japanese rule.

-Jalapeno Karl Poppers: This breaded treat delivers a sharp kick with every bite… as well as the lingering aftertaste of liberal democracy.

-Quarter-Pound Bavarian Flossenburger: it’s not just a hamburger, it’s the hamburgest.